Monday, November 30, 2009

Monday Notes - 2010 Goal Follow-Up

A few thoughts as I await tonight's Pats-Saints game of the year.

I received as much mail in response to Saturday's post as any post I've ever done, so I thought it would be helpful to respond here for all to see (and to save on virtual email postage). And since most of the questions dealt with my plan to significantly increase my size, I'll address that tonight.

Why pursue it? Well, two reasons come to mind.

First, while trading remains a challenge every day of a trader's life (hopefully an enjoyable one ... why else would we do this?), there's frankly only one personal trading objective that's left for me to prove I can attain, and that's to increase my size far beyond what I've traditionally traded over the years.

Many know that I believe that once a trader reaches a certain level of proficiency, account balance, and "standard" contract size, one can trade with far less stress and far greater proficiency by trading what essentially becomes a lesser % of one's capital to achieve the same bottom line. As such, I've really not increased my size much over recent years, except when I momentarily floored the accelerator in late 2008.

Second, despite the Jellie effort which revitalized my momentarily-lost passion for trading after reaching the top of the industry in 2008, I still find myself too often simply "going through the motions" with respect to my trading, which often results in focus lapses, suboptimized sequences, and thus a P&L that at times would be more than acceptable for the vast majority of traders, yet simply isn't for this trader. Frankly, for me it sometimes feels like trying to chew after a dose of Novocaine.

And so increasing my size is intended -- in part -- to attempt to remedy that problem.

Now before the inbox floods again, let me say right I'm fully aware it's a good problem to have, and I'm certainly not looking for sympathy, nor am I looking to make any "wow" headlines like I inadvertently made in 2008 & 2009 when my results spread around the Internet like a Tiger Woods 2am car accident.

Yet for me, this business is all about personal self-actualization ... nothing more, nothing less ... and I simply need to complete the last unwritten chapter of my trading career.

Sure, I may mightily fail and look like the world's biggest fool. Which of course didn't stop me when I set my 2008 sights on the top performers of the industry, or when I gave up a very comfortable executive corporate career over a decade ago to take up this business, but I digress. And Lord knows I've had my share of pratfalls over the course of my 48 years on this planet.

Yet as I mentioned in my November 4th post, as well as in the recent video interview with Matt Davio, I'm frankly lucky to have even been born.

As such, I don't think I'll ever consider any part of my life to be a failure.

For someday I'll leave this planet with exactly what I brought into it ... nothing.

Hopefully, I'll have left it with no regrets and after having at least helped a few others along the way.

Have a pleasant evening and enjoy the game.